cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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