***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
