i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
