It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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