so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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