I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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