im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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