I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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