Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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