During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
