I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize