God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
