i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
