i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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