shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
