The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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