I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
