I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
