Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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