ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Buhtt sex?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
