I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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