so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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