ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize