You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
