My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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