i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
