Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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