I just threw up on my dentist
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
