Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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