And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
