I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
