Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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