so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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