he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
