people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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