dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
