and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Acid is not a monday night drug
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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