The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
