I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
