puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
