I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
