Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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