Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
