I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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