Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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