We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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