I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
