I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want her autograph on my taint
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
