you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
