New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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