I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
