i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
