There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
