I got chris browned last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
