I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
