While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think your dad took our porno
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
