Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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