My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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