It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
