why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
