Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
