god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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