I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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