Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
