i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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