Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
