she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize