I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
